Above is a screen shot of my TWO monitors at work. What are they showing you ask? Tiny little metrics. Fun stuff let me tell you. The screen shot looks a little blurry and by the end of the day, that is how it looks to me as well.
I've been struggling. I'm learning new things. New software, new ideas, new ways of measuring success and it's hard. Hard sometimes to keep up, to keep going, keep shoveling in the information and to give 100 percent while I'm here. Sometimes I stare at my two screens, my vision blurring and I just plain old, space out.
And when I do and I don't accomplish all that I can in a day, I'm mad at myself. Mad for not trying. So the other night I complained and complained about how terrible and boring everything was at work. I even cried myself to the babysitter to pick up Angelo, thinking things were too hard here, that I couldn't do it that I should just find a way to stay home.
After I put the baby to bed I took a hot bath and did a little thinking about me.
I think as working wives and mothers we're so busy thinking of everyone else that sometimes we don't get a chance to focus on our own lives, what we do each day - to BE who WE are.
Anyway, I thought and I thought and I realized that I've just been floating through life for awhile. I haven't been pursuing much, I've just been trying to get by. And sometimes it's just easier to do that but then when your vision gets so blurry you realize you need to snap back into action, focus, commit and stay on track.
So I made a concious effort to learn and take in everything I can in every area. To do what I set out to do each day, not putting it off for another day. And you know what happened? Within two days, I was starting to "get it." Once I stopped whining around I got to that place I had needed to be and my vision is beginning to clear.
Life continues to be a struggle, but in order to make it the best life possible you've got to continually challenge yourself in areas that are hard for you. It builds character, it builds self-esteem and it builds who you are. So focus and things will appear clearly.
As a side note, I also had an eye appointment this week, my eyes did get worse, so I really did have blurred vision! : )