Thursday, October 16, 2008

a new look...for a new me

When Angelo was about four weeks old Mike said, "honey, why don't you just take a day and think about the new you." At first it kind of pissed me off when he made the comment and obviously there was no way I could reinvent myself in one day. But after eight weeks as a mother whose just about to make the transition back to work, I think I know what he meant, and I think I finally know who I am.

It isn't just because of Angelo that I was confused about my persona. It seems I question myself about every five years of my life and since I turned 30 in December, it was only normal for me to rethink me.

I suppose age five through 15 I wasn't really concerned about my image, I was still in the process of learning and becoming who I am. Fifteen through 20, I definetly changed yearly. I went from being a quiet only child at age 15, to going to college and living with roommates, then moving to Omaha. By the time I was 20, I was working full-time and had my own apartment, I was sneaking into bars, singing karaoke, drinking and smoking till wee hours of the morning, and had registered as a Republican (gasp!). I remember thinking of myself and a hot, fun and independant woman!

Obviously it was those characteristics that made me attractive to Mike. I was only 23 years old and I thought I new exactly who I was!

It changed again when I turned 25 (I regained my sanity and registered as an Independant), then again when I became Michelle Gibilisco and not Michelle Weinberg. I had a hard time with the name change and I still refuse to be called Mrs. Gibilisco...that name is reserved for Mike's mother and grandmother...I'm Ms. Gibilisco. And NEVER, NEVER refer to me as Mrs. Michael Gibilisco, how 1950's. Check your social security cards ladies, only the last name changes.

I regress, where was I? Oh, so anyway once I turned thirty and became pregnant I also needed to reidentify myself. All of these processes were no big deal, but once I became a mother and stayed at home with my baby, well it was the hardest reidentification process I've ever been through!

Now that I look back I understand. I mean, it takes you forty plus weeks to grow a little miracle, but you don't get forty weeks to learn how to take care of that miracle. No, that happens instantly. I mean, even when I worked behind the counter at Younkers I got on-the-job training! But not with a baby. You've got to wing it till you figure it out, and somewhere in the process of winging it, your whole personality changes! At least mine did.

Not only did my jeans not fit anymore, neither did my emotions, tasks and actions. The only feeling I could identify with is an insane desire to please and love this little person that I barely knew.

So, over the last eight weeks I've gotten to know that little person named Angelo and he's gotten to know me. I know everything about him, because I've been with him almost every hour of his life. And in the process Angelo has helped me become the best Ms. Gibilisco I've been yet.

You might be who has she become? Well it's hard to explain and trust me their are still plenty of days you wouldn't want to see me! The transformation is more than a new haircut and a new car. It's a feeling and I happiness that I've never known before. I guess the best way to describe it is, I'm now complete, and hopefully complete will grow into a continued confidence. Because that's the person I want to continue to become, the confident, yet still independant, hot, and fun, loving wife and mother.

~MS. G


The Kennedy's said...

Heya Hot Momma! I couldn't have said it better myself. It's like you were reading my mind.

Becoming Me said...

Just came from Life in the Parsonage. I had my first baby at age 30 as well and my second at age 33. And I am still becoming...

melanie said...

I think anything good in life is always in a constant state of good change. When we don't we become stagnant and boring. It's been one of those stages for me too. Enjoy it, your little man definitely has a fun hot momma!!