So, people told me that I wouldn't get sleep and my life would change forever...but what they didn't say is becoming a mother is hard!
I'm an only child, Mike's an only child we're used to getting our way. I'm also a total control freak but guess what...so is Angelo! haha!
Tuesday I had a melt down. Angelo was eating way to much and the Dr. said to ween him back... he wasn't happy about this and unless I held him out in front of me and sang he would scream bloody murder. By about 4:00 p.m. I was a wreak. I called my mother-in-law in tears and asked if she could take him for awhile. She said yes, and I drove over to her house bawling and thinking a was the worst mom ever.
I told Mike that I didn't think I could do it, that I was gonna have to go back to work early...all the while wondering what's wrong with me!! I always hear about moms who don't want to go back to work after children...here I'm ready to go back after four weeks of maternity leave!
Well, I've calmed down and Angelo is back to eating only four ounces every three hours (of course now he cries if he's not held). I still feel crazy most of the time, but after speaking to a few of my mom friends I realized this is pretty normal...but no one ever talks about it.
Nothing else in my life has changed me the way motherhood has, not going away to college, not getting maried, not losing a loved one. Becoming a mother is forever and irreversible and consuming: it involves your body, your soul, and how you spend your time. It changes how other people perceive you and how you perceive yourself.
I guess I feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland, stunned by my overlap of emotions, I feel totally incompetent in my ignorance. Nothing is familiar and nothing makes sense anymore.
Each day I'm learning a little more and I realize...motherhood is a processs... I need to learn to love the process!